Sunday, July 12, 2020

Counting the uncountable

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these." -Matthew 6 ⚘💐🌸

Undescribable. Uncountable. Unexplained. That's how I describe how God's grace and love have been to me. Everytime I looked in the mirror, I always wonder how I am so special that not even a person in the earth look exactly like me. Yet He knows me. He takes care of me every day, and planned the very best version of life story for me.

I breath, I see, I taste, I hear, I feel, I am alive. He holds my hands directing me to the way of truth. "Do not fear my child for I am with you, do not be afraid for I am your God, I will strengthen you, I will help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" He said. 

725,809,896 seconds, 201,613.86 hours, 8,400.5775 days, 1,200.0852 weeks, 276 months, 23 years alive. Not even a very single second spent without being fully loved and blessed.
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Tuesday, January 23, 2018

Dear Future Me

1:46 in midnight. Nocturne op.9 no. 2 in E  flat major is playing. Laying on bed while typing as always. 20 years old, entering a new term at the college, sixth.

Dear Future Me, your 20 years old self hasn't cured her insomnia yet. She had cured it a long time ago but it comes back.. Still remember? we have it since 13, second grade of junior high school when we got our own room in Tomohon, yes it hasn't been cured. Have you cured it on your ages?

To be honest, being on this kind of situation brings so many thoughts that are flying on my head.
I am entering the sixth term now...and am in the middle of doubts trying to decide whether I should go for pure linguistics or take applied linguistics instead... What will I pick in the end? Will I make a good decision? I have been told so many times that my future has been amazingly planned.... but yes I am still a human and I am still worry about what I am going to be in the future.. I have been doing well in the college and I had had a job that put my parents' expectation on top, thinking that I am a good smart girl,but the truth is even I myself doubt about me too. Will I be able to fulfill their high expectation?

Dear future me, can I know what your occupation is now? .....how much money can you earn in a month? are you able to pay your pizza bill with your own money? how much money do you give your parents every month? even though you have enough money you will still ask mom and dad for money right? haha I know you...

I am wondering how your day is like..... and how you look after being aged....
I wonder which wind blows you, which way you have chosen..

Your 20 year old self promises that she will do all the best that she can to create the best version of you.... she wants to forget all the worries she has... she will walk in faith....

Dear future me, if you are reading this and you've become a successful person, remember to always keep up the spirit and shine your brightest sparks. So much we have been through, remember in senior high school we go like: school, ganesha, english class, guitar class... and on college be like: classes, and teaching at pia, and before that we took piano classes after classes right?.. all started in the morning and ended at afternoon after the sun set.... it was super tiring..we love saturday and sunday so much because those two days were the only days we didn't do much...haha... although it was so tiring but we didn't give up, did we? remember that we cried a lot at night but no matter how much we felt like giving up, but we didn't..right? look how far you have come.. so, never ever give up on whatever you are working on right now. Remember to always pray before stepping a step out of the door.. Eat well and take a time to take care of yourself.. you deserve all the good things in this entire world... 
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Monday, November 21, 2016

Friday, April 15, 2016

Another story: Sidi & Unsucessful Interview.



:)


Another night when the music in my laptop isn’t playing.
Agnes Mo and Judika’s voices are exactly what I am listening to right now.
Watching The Voice after my “not-too-busy” kind of day.
Btw, it’s been a very long time since I posted my last post.
Many things have happened, and yeeaaahh it’s really exciting to tell others about exciting things that have made you really excited, so yeassshh you’re soon to read those exciting things that I am going to write excitedly :D 

1. SIDI
I just got “side-ed” last month. I took “katekisasi” class for about 2 months before that. I learned a lot! I got so many useful lessons that money can’t buy.








2. Having a Crazy Job Interview

Last Wednesday, I had a very unsuccessful interview. It was a really an unprepared one. I found out that I’ll be taking an interview the same day as the interview day. They asked me to enter a room and when I got in, I was really nervous, my hands shake, and I was like “omg how can I forget everything that I know?” All I could say is I was in the highest level of nervousness and it made me forget everything that I knew. I thought the questions would be very hard because it was a job interview. I almost killed myself with that high level of nervousness.

When the interviewer asked me the question I was really surprised when I found out that it was just “Can you tell me about yourself?” I was really happy because my lecturer asked me the same question on the final speaking exam, and I got A. He said it was really good.

When I was about to answer that question, I remember that I forgot everything that I know right when I entered the room. I didn’t really know what I said, it was such a mess. I didn’t know what to say, was running out of words even last week I wrote 2 pages describing myself for the Journal on Written English class. It was my fault because I couldn’t control myself, but at least, it taught me a very meaningful lesson.




I am really thankful for these experiences, and for even a moment when I am probably just sitting in a chair with nothing to do, for the moment when people hurt me, for the moment that breaks my heart, and even the moment when I realize I am breathing. As the respond of my thankfulness, I want to do my best for I always receive the best. Stay positive, stay slim and stay single(? ) lol

Okayyy,
That’s all.
Btw, I’m going to change the theme of the blog but I am still working on it.

Ok, bye

Xxxx

Monicksp
xo
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Saturday, September 19, 2015

Finally, University.


Hi guys....
So hi..
Yes, hi...



 
I finally made my mood good to back to write posts, because I was so lazy to even type a word like "what? should i wrote something on blog? I was just way too tired, I didn't even know what the hell should I write, I was so asdfghjkl" but then I remember a thing that....

I
Just
Entered
The
University
Life
Like,
OMG

OMG OMGGG, time really flew so fast. I remember the time when I was on my way to school, first day to school, middle school I mean, yes, MOS, and now I've already passed the OSPEK time. Look how fast time flew!

But, even time flies so fast and things change. I still feel like nothing changes about me like "Yes, I'm 18 years old right now and it still feels like I am 9 years old, life must be kidding to me" Anyone related me? you guys feel me too or is it just me?

I've been too excited to write this.

So, I just entered Sam Ratulangi University (Unsrat) because I was so close to my house..

I went to Faculty Of Humanity/ Cultural Sciences. I take English Department as my major because I have reasons.

Reason 1
English is my favorite subject, and math is the subject that I hate the most. I heard that Math won't exist in this place and I won't be studying Math anymore for the rest of my life if I take this major.

Who doesn't want to always study English and never study Math? 

I hate Math because in math classes I was always be like " wth, I don't even know what I don't know" My brain is too cute for math:) and beside wise words say that you need to do more of things that make you happy. So hi English.

Reason 2
So shy as hell to tell this but lol the truth is lol lol, I want to have a job that able to serve people. My parents suggest me to be a doctor but Math and Chemistry won't allow me. My brain is way too cute for hard and complicated things. I was thinking to be a priest, heheheehhehee lol don't laugh at me please, hehehe please don't laugh, but then I have private thoughts that I'm sorry I can't share(talk to me directly and I will tell) that make me don't go there. That place is just too cool for poor child like me pfftt. So, I decided to take English Dept because they say I could be a teacher or a lecturer later on. At least, it serves people, doesn't it? hehehehe





So hi university, hi separated time class, hi freedom, hi lecturer, hi more tasks and bye uniform, bye rules, bye scare-ness of clossed-gate because late, bye saying "go pee in toilet" to the teacher which means to walk around the school and see the mirror at the toilet, bye uniform, bye table, bye run from the punishment in coming late. Yes school I know I hate you, but you ought to know that I will miss you and I am not lying.


I want to do good things while I am still young, I want to get to know things as much as I can, I want to keep trying, I want to be limitless, I want to fill my young ages with positive things, I want to learn things that will be useful in my future, I want to upgrade myself. I want my young ages to be good, as good as life that I am living. I know sure that I'll make mistakes, but I know also that I could control myself from making mistakes, I want my young ages to be as good as possible. Not because I want people to say say good things about me, but because I want The creator of me to be praised. I promise I'll do good things as an expression of thankfulness for everything that I have.




With Love,
Monicksp.
<3<3 xx
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Friday, August 28, 2015

mcbayaiscx



She is clothed with fears, she scares of the world outside, they'll hurt her, they'll shoot her down, they'll kill her. She is afraid to be honest about herself, about her feelings, so she has to always keeps silent, keep holding and hiding the feelings she has, because she's scared. so scared, scared until she won't even look at the small hole in the window, she won't even touch even with her finger the coldness of the door to go outside, she's just too scared.

Until one cold night, wind whispers at her ear "let's go out, all good things are free outside, you just need to open your eyes and walk with your feed, everything is awesome outside, you just need to step outside and hear the birds, everything is perfect, you just need to feel it with your eyes open, everything is too good not to be seen" it leaves with nasty feelings, she couldn't help herself from the feelings that drive her strange, the feelings that knock her deepest heart, that break the cold frozen ices in her mind. She wants to look at the small hole at the window, to touch the door with all her hand, but she's scared. She's scared that the wind lies, she's scared that she's not strong enough to be outside, she spends her days thinking.....

a long time has passed, seconds turn to minutes, minutes turn to hours, hours turn to days, and days turn to months, and she finally decides to go out. She holds the door and means to open it slowly and with fear, she finally sees the light outside from the spaces on the door she opens slowly,wide and gets more wide until she sees the outside clearly from the door, so good,awesome, and perfect. She steps her first step outside, walking with eyes closed, slowly, slowly, and slowly. She scares the rocks will fly on her, the trees will fall on her, but she opens her eyes with the words that said by the trees on her mind, she continues, she walks with eyes open, getting fast, fast, faster, and she finally find the rhythm to walk faster, to dance confidently with eyes open, and she tries to open her eyes more wide and look around.



everything was so so so bad, so far from what she imagined before, so far from the winds' words. She scares, she runs back to her door but the door suddenly disappear. She's stuck in the world that she hates, she wants to cry, but even if she cries, will everything change? so she just sits up in a place and won't move because she's trapped.

It is raining and the she closes her eyes, suddenly the rain tells her that she's late, she should go outside right after the wind said she should, before the outside turns bad because the wind sad because the thought of its mind that she won't go outside. Her heart is full of regrets, she regrets that she didn't go outside faster, she cries. Then the storm wipes her tears and whispers. that. the. wind. lies. the outside was never good, it's foul and everybody knows that.

She's in doubt, is the wind lie or is the outside never good? she tries to find out the answers.



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Saturday, August 1, 2015

Inside My Wallet




Hello loves,

I want to tell a story about me last week. It was such an embarrassing moment.
My friend and I planned to meet at Mantos at 4. It was 3:30 and I was just laying on my bed, and haven't prepared myself at all. I haven't even taken a bath while my friend was on her way to the mall.
When I found out that she was already at Mantos, I automatically made my way to the bathroom as fast as I possibly could. I prepared myself in a very fast way. It took about 30 minutes before I could finally said that I was ready to go. Really fast!

I went to the mall by a public car (a.k.a mikro) and I felt really tired because I just noticed that I prepared myself so fast and I probably forgot to breath because breathing takes 1 second, and a second really means a lot when you're late.

When I was about to reach the place, I almost killed myself because I realized that I. forget. to. bring. my. wallet. and I couldn't breath not because breathing took a second but because I was scared as fuck. Another funny fact discovered: breathing is hard when you're scared.


I was so out of words and I didn't even know what to say because I was just simply out of words and I had nothing to say. I wanted to disappear because I didn't know what to do.

and
I
decided to get out from the car and told the truth to the driver........

He was really a nice man, I was lucky that he wasn't mad at me, he told me that it was okay, and instead gave me advice that I shouldn't do kind of things like this later because not everyone was kind and yes he was right.

This accident gave me idea to write this post so now I am going to tell you everything that I keep inside my wallet.

So, here you go.....

so this is how my wallet looks like

the front look and the back look of the wallet

the overview

front look yey

back look

I got this wallet when I walked in the mall and this pink wallet caught up my eyes and I was like "omg look at that cute pink wallet, it is so pink" I couldn't help myself from buying that so.... yeah... another moment buying unimportant thing in life because CUTE and PINK.

This is so cheap, it only costs 100k
I was surprised at first because this wallet was way too cute and it only costed 100k.. like really who doesn't want to buy this cute inexpensive thing?!!!!!!!!

When I open up the wallet, this is what will show up. I love the fact that it has so many spaces for cards or even photos.

the details of the cards spaces and my cards

a place where you can put your money or small changes.

another empty spaces but it filled with my photos

my cards:
Ganesha Operation Student Card
Kartu Tanda Penduduk (Identity Card)
SMA Katolik Rex Mundi Student Card
KFC Music Hitter Card
Kid'z World Card
The Body Shop Member Card



Those are everything that I have inside my wallet

I hope you guys enjoy reading this and would like to read my upcoming posts because

it really means a lot to me, really.


I love you!!!xx

xo,
Monicksp
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